An Ode to Smeaton
‘Twas doon by the inch o’ Abbots, oor Johnny walked one day
When he saw a sicht that troubled him, far more that he could say
A fanatic musl1m basstid, wiz doin what he’d planned
And intae Glesca’s departure hall, a Cherokee he’d rammed.
A big Glaswegian polis, came forward tae assist
He thocht “a wumman driver”, or at least someone half-pi55ed
But to his shock nae drunken Jock emerged to grasp his hand
But a flamin Ar@b loony, frae Al Qaeda’s band
The mad Isl@m1st nut-case had set hissel’ on fire
And swung oot at the polis, GBH his clear desire
Now that’s no richt wur Johnny cried, And sallied tae the fray
A left hook and a heid butt required tae save the day.
Now listen up Bin Laden, yir sort’s nae wanted here
For imported English radicals, us Scoatsman huv nae fear
Oor hame grown Glesca Aeshins, will have nae bluidy truck
So tak yer worldwide j1had, an get yersel tae phuk!
If this had happened in a US airport, compared to Glasgow....
America:"Oh my God! There was a man on fire, he was running about, i just ran for my life. I thought i was gonna die, he got so close to me"
Glasgow "C*nt wis running aboot on fire, so a ran up n gave him a good
boot, then decked him"
America:" I just wanna get home, away from here. I just wanna get home, I thought i was gonna die"
Glasgow:" here shug, am no leaving here till am oan a f*ckin' plane!"
America:" there was pandemonium, people were running in all
directions, we didn't know what was happening thought i was gonna die"
Glasgow:"F*ck this fir a kerry oan, moan we ll get a pint in"
America:" We thought he was gonna blow us all up he had a gas
canister, and was trying to get into his trunk, I thought we were gonna
die, I just ran for my life"
Glasgow:"a swaggered by the motor that wis on fire, and the dafty couldnae even open his boot, he wis in fire annaw so a ran up n gave
him a good boot to the baws"
America: there was this huge explosion, it sounded like war, I thought i was gonna die"
Glasgow:" There wis a bang, yi know when yi throw BO basher intae a fire it wis like that"
America:" I'm too traumatized even to speak, I thought i was gonna die"
Glasgow "here mate, gies 2 minutes till a phone ma auld dear, if am gonna be oan the telly a want her tae tape it"
Finally, two quotes from an eye-witness.........john smeaton
(these are real)
John just surpassed himself on the National ITV new.
The interviewer asked "What message do you have for the bombers" - he
replied "This is Glasgow we'll just set about you"
John did an interview on cnn and they asked how he restrained the guy and he said "me and other folk were just tryin 2 get the boot in and some
other guy banjoed him" !
The Scotsman - Opinion - Letters - Points of view
http://thescotsman.scotsman.com/letters ... 1046862007
Character It is interesting to compare the differing responses of cities to the threat of terrorism, all of which seem to reflect their character. New York tells terrorists "United we stand". London tells terrorists "We are not afraid". Glasgow tells terrorists "We'll set about ye!"
Sophie L Anderson
[Captured: 05 July 2007 12:54:37]
A reader asked what someone from Edinburgh would have said:
"You'll have had your tea?"
George Bush met The Queen, and he turns round and says:
"As I'm the President, I'm thinking of changing how the country is referred to, and I'm thinking that it should be a Kingdom".
To which the Queen replies, "I'm sorry Mr Bush, but to be a Kingdom, you have to have a King in charge - and you're not a King."
George Bush thought a while and then said: "How about a Principality then?"
The Queen replied "Again, to be a Principality you have to be a Prince - and you're not a Prince, Mr Bush".
Bush thought long and hard and came up with "How about an Empire then?"
The Queen, getting a little hacked off by now replied "Sorry again, Mr Bush, but to be an Empire you must have an Emperor in charge - and you are not an Emperor."
Before George Bush could utter another word, The Queen said: "I think you're doing quite nicely as a Country".
Oor Johnny walked one day
When he saw a sicht that troubled him
Far more that he could say
A fanatic muslim bastard
Wiz doin what he'd planned
And intae Glesca's departure hall
A Cherokee he'd rammed.
A big Glaswegian polis
Came forward tae assist
He thocht "a wumman driver"
Or at least someone half-pissed
But to his shock nae drunken Jock
Emerged to grasp his hand
But a flamin Arab loony
Frae Al Qaeda's band.
The mad Islamist nut-case
Had set hissel' on fire
And swung oot at the polis
GBH his clear desire
Now that's no richt wur Johnny cried
And sallied tae the fray
A left hook and a heid butt
Required tae save the day.
Now listen up Bin Laden
Yir sort's nae wanted here
For imported English radicals
Us Scoatsman huv nae fear
Oor hame grown Glesca Asians
Will have nae bluidy truck
So tak yer worldwide jihad
An get yersel tae F***