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That Glasgow incident.

Enter here for humour and irreverence.
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Alan C.
Posts: 10356
Joined: July 4th, 2007, 3:35 pm

That Glasgow incident.

#1 Post by Alan C. » July 4th, 2007, 7:33 pm

We'll need a humour thread Maria.

An Ode to Smeaton



‘Twas doon by the inch o’ Abbots, oor Johnny walked one day

When he saw a sicht that troubled him, far more that he could say

A fanatic musl1m basstid, wiz doin what he’d planned

And intae Glesca’s departure hall, a Cherokee he’d rammed.



A big Glaswegian polis, came forward tae assist

He thocht “a wumman driver”, or at least someone half-pi55ed

But to his shock nae drunken Jock emerged to grasp his hand

But a flamin Ar@b loony, frae Al Qaeda’s band



The mad Isl@m1st nut-case had set hissel’ on fire

And swung oot at the polis, GBH his clear desire

Now that’s no richt wur Johnny cried, And sallied tae the fray

A left hook and a heid butt required tae save the day.



Now listen up Bin Laden, yir sort’s nae wanted here

For imported English radicals, us Scoatsman huv nae fear

Oor hame grown Glesca Aeshins, will have nae bluidy truck

So tak yer worldwide j1had, an get yersel tae phuk!
Abstinence Makes the Church Grow Fondlers.

Zoe
Posts: 564
Joined: July 4th, 2007, 4:08 pm

#2 Post by Zoe » July 4th, 2007, 8:13 pm

Um..cool!

What language is it?


:wink: [/img]

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Alan C.
Posts: 10356
Joined: July 4th, 2007, 3:35 pm

#3 Post by Alan C. » July 4th, 2007, 8:22 pm

Zoe wrote:Um..cool!

What language is it?

:wink:
Sorry you southerners it's Glaswegian. :wink:
Abstinence Makes the Church Grow Fondlers.

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scogirl
Posts: 57
Joined: July 5th, 2007, 9:16 am

#4 Post by scogirl » July 5th, 2007, 10:27 am

(Bad language alert!!!)

There was a young scotsman called Smeaton
Who gave Al Queda a beating
he booted their baws
in front of the law
and left the c***s lying there greeting

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scogirl
Posts: 57
Joined: July 5th, 2007, 9:16 am

#5 Post by scogirl » July 5th, 2007, 10:33 am

(In case you haven't already seen this....)

If this had happened in a US airport, compared to Glasgow....

Eyewitness accounts.

America:"Oh my God! There was a man on fire, he was running about, i just ran for my life. I thought i was gonna die, he got so close to me"

Glasgow "C*nt wis running aboot on fire, so a ran up n gave him a good
boot, then decked him"

America:" I just wanna get home, away from here. I just wanna get home, I thought i was gonna die"

Glasgow:" here shug, am no leaving here till am oan a f*ckin' plane!"

America:" there was pandemonium, people were running in all
directions, we didn't know what was happening thought i was gonna die"

Glasgow:"F*ck this fir a kerry oan, moan we ll get a pint in"

America:" We thought he was gonna blow us all up he had a gas
canister, and was trying to get into his trunk, I thought we were gonna
die, I just ran for my life"

Glasgow:"a swaggered by the motor that wis on fire, and the dafty couldnae even open his boot, he wis in fire annaw so a ran up n gave
him a good boot to the baws"

America: there was this huge explosion, it sounded like war, I thought i was gonna die"

Glasgow:" There wis a bang, yi know when yi throw BO basher intae a fire it wis like that"

America:" I'm too traumatized even to speak, I thought i was gonna die"

Glasgow "here mate, gies 2 minutes till a phone ma auld dear, if am gonna be oan the telly a want her tae tape it"

Finally, two quotes from an eye-witness.........john smeaton
(these are real)

John just surpassed himself on the National ITV new.

The interviewer asked "What message do you have for the bombers" - he
replied "This is Glasgow we'll just set about you"

John did an interview on cnn and they asked how he restrained the guy and he said "me and other folk were just tryin 2 get the boot in and some
other guy banjoed him" !

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Alan H
Posts: 24067
Joined: July 3rd, 2007, 10:26 pm

#6 Post by Alan H » July 5th, 2007, 12:54 pm

In today's Scotsman:

The Scotsman - Opinion - Letters - Points of view
http://thescotsman.scotsman.com/letters ... 1046862007

Character It is interesting to compare the differing responses of cities to the threat of terrorism, all of which seem to reflect their character. New York tells terrorists "United we stand". London tells terrorists "We are not afraid". Glasgow tells terrorists "We'll set about ye!"

Sophie L Anderson
Edinburgh

[Captured: 05 July 2007 12:54:37]

********************************************************************************

A reader asked what someone from Edinburgh would have said:

"You'll have had your tea?"

Nick
Posts: 11027
Joined: July 4th, 2007, 10:10 am

#7 Post by Nick » July 5th, 2007, 1:39 pm

Daarn Saarf, being Diamond Geezers, they'd say "Oi, mate! That's well previos!"

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Alan C.
Posts: 10356
Joined: July 4th, 2007, 3:35 pm

#8 Post by Alan C. » July 6th, 2007, 10:07 am

Nothing to do with the thread title, but mildly humorous.

George Bush met The Queen, and he turns round and says:
"As I'm the President, I'm thinking of changing how the country is referred to, and I'm thinking that it should be a Kingdom".
To which the Queen replies, "I'm sorry Mr Bush, but to be a Kingdom, you have to have a King in charge - and you're not a King."

George Bush thought a while and then said: "How about a Principality then?"
The Queen replied "Again, to be a Principality you have to be a Prince - and you're not a Prince, Mr Bush".

Bush thought long and hard and came up with "How about an Empire then?"
The Queen, getting a little hacked off by now replied "Sorry again, Mr Bush, but to be an Empire you must have an Emperor in charge - and you are not an Emperor."

Before George Bush could utter another word, The Queen said: "I think you're doing quite nicely as a Country".
Abstinence Makes the Church Grow Fondlers.

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scogirl
Posts: 57
Joined: July 5th, 2007, 9:16 am

#9 Post by scogirl » July 6th, 2007, 10:32 am

MWAH HA HA! :grin:

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scogirl
Posts: 57
Joined: July 5th, 2007, 9:16 am

#10 Post by scogirl » July 9th, 2007, 12:19 pm

Twas doon by the inch o' Abbots
Oor Johnny walked one day
When he saw a sicht that troubled him
Far more that he could say
A fanatic muslim bastard
Wiz doin what he'd planned
And intae Glesca's departure hall
A Cherokee he'd rammed.

A big Glaswegian polis
Came forward tae assist
He thocht "a wumman driver"
Or at least someone half-pissed
But to his shock nae drunken Jock
Emerged to grasp his hand
But a flamin Arab loony
Frae Al Qaeda's band.

The mad Islamist nut-case
Had set hissel' on fire
And swung oot at the polis
GBH his clear desire
Now that's no richt wur Johnny cried
And sallied tae the fray
A left hook and a heid butt
Required tae save the day.

Now listen up Bin Laden
Yir sort's nae wanted here
For imported English radicals
Us Scoatsman huv nae fear
Oor hame grown Glesca Asians
Will have nae bluidy truck
So tak yer worldwide jihad
An get yersel tae F***

Nick
Posts: 11027
Joined: July 4th, 2007, 10:10 am

#11 Post by Nick » July 9th, 2007, 2:13 pm

That's great AlanC. :hilarity: It's gone down a storm with me mates, especially as I love impersonating the queen!

As for Scogirl, move over, Andrew Motion! :thumbsup:

severus
Posts: 9
Joined: July 6th, 2007, 1:25 am

glasgow incident

#12 Post by severus » July 9th, 2007, 11:26 pm

from Severus

They really take the smoking ban seriously up here

Goldie
Posts: 300
Joined: July 7th, 2007, 6:52 am

#13 Post by Goldie » July 12th, 2007, 3:13 am

:laughter: :hilarity:
Reading the American vs Glasgow, I have to comment that my husband would fit right in with you folks! :grin:
I saw a wino eating grapes. I said,"Dude, you have to wait." Mitch Hedberg

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