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God was a Jew and other jokes

Enter here for humour and irreverence.
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VINDICATOR
Posts: 523
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#441 Postby VINDICATOR » December 19th, 2018, 1:22 pm

Latest post of the previous page:

Suzie was a girl student at a parochial primary school who was bored of education. The night before, Suzie played video games till very late, so she kept falling asleep while the teacher, a nun, went rambling on about religion.
Suddenly the teacher called out: "Tell me Suzie, who created the universe?"
Since Suzie was napping, Her friend Johnny who sat right behind her jabbed her behind with a pencil to wake her up.
"God Almighty" yelled Suzie, and went back to sleep.
The nun said "Very good!" and continued to rant. After a while, she asked Suzie again "Who is our Lord and Savior?"
Since Suzie was asleep, Johnny jabbed her again in the behind with the pencil.
"Jesus Christ!" yelled Suzie. and went back to sleep again.
"Very good" said the nun and continued to ramble. Then she said "Suzie, Tell us what Eve said to Adam after she had her 23rd child?"
Suzie's friend Johnny came to her rescue again stabbing her behind with the pencil.
Then Suzie jumped up and yelled: "If you stick that damn thing into me one more time I'll break it in half!"
Then the nun fainted!
:hilarity: :hilarity: :hilarity: :hilarity:

VINDICATOR
Posts: 523
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#442 Postby VINDICATOR » December 22nd, 2018, 2:38 pm

"Yo Hoh Hoh, Merry Christmas, Merry X-mas, Happy holidays, Happy Hanukah (Jewish), Happy Kwanza (African), Happy Yule-Tide, Happy Thor's Day, Happy Winter Solstice (Celtic), Happy ChrisFSMas (Pastafarian), Happy etc.-Day!"
It's the most popular holiday World-wide and the Christians should be praised for collectimg these Pagan Holidays together and making it a universal holiday all over ther world!
Do you want to hear something funny? Some Christians (I think mostly the Catholics) say that the "Heathens" have corrupted and commercialized Christmas and are mobilizing the Church to "Brexit" (abort) Christmas and make a really Holy Day called "Nativity Day"! For the same reason, they want to abort "Easter" too, and establish a Holy Day called Resurrection Day! That's fine with me, we Non-RelIgious can then take over these Holidays including Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny etc. and delete all that bullshit about Nativity and Ressurection! Then Christmas would be a real universal Holiday!
:smile: :D :wink: :laughter:

VINDICATOR
Posts: 523
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#443 Postby VINDICATOR » December 23rd, 2018, 11:42 am

The old Marie Antoinette was abysmally ignorant, so when she heard that the people had no bread to eat she says "Let them eat cake"! Our modern day "Antoinettes" (such as Macron) aren't much brighter. When they hear that traditional energy is ruining our environment, they tell us to "Eat green energy!" it's like drinking poison to quench our thirst! If Indonesia had thousands of windmill generators on her shores to generate electricity they would be all wiped out in the recent tsunami and they would have to wait years to reconstruct during which time they would have to depend on candles for illumination! If we are really concerned about protecting our environment, we would need to do many drastic and unpalatable things, like population control, reduce our total power consumption, change our way of life (for instance restricting air transportation), get ready to move to an exoplanet, etc. Stephen Hawking realized this and spent the last few precious years of his life trying to save the human race! He is a true saviour of man, and not a mythological character that so many people worship!

VINDICATOR
Posts: 523
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#444 Postby VINDICATOR » January 2nd, 2019, 1:05 pm

I used to respect Brits. I even thought that the American war for independence was wrong! However, I'm having second thoughts. The Islamisation of the UK is more than I can stand. I saw in today's CNN that the UK Foreign Office Has announced that any UK girl that has been sold for slavery, usually in Somalia where they call it "marriage" and over 90% are victims of FGM, (see my post on FGM) if they want to escape then they have to pay for it themselves! This means that over 70,000 UK girls sold into slavery will each have to pay the Foreign Office about 1000 Pounds to liberate them! It costs much more than that to assimilate a Muslim immigrant. Why don't you make them pay for their own "assimilation"?

VINDICATOR
Posts: 523
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#445 Postby VINDICATOR » January 11th, 2019, 3:05 pm

The hard-core Evangelista insist that humans by themselves cannot know the difference between right and wrong. Thaey have to have this sky fairy they call God to tell them what is right and what is wrong! They bring out Hitler and Stalin two "hard core Atheists" each of which killed about 80 million people as proof! So they think that God is the ultimate moral standard. Well, I have a Jewish friend who sighs when he hears this. This is what he told me about God's "morality"!

We Jews were worshipping this God thousands of years before Christians came on the scene. He called us his "Chosen People" and made a covenant with us. He promised us a "Holy Land". However, when Hitler murdered 6 million of us in the holocaust, this God double crossed us. He didn't lift a finger to save a single one of us! Many people such as Schindler, (an Atheist), etc. risked their lives to save some of us.
Actually, Hitler and God were working hand in hand in the Holocaust. Hitler would round up us Jews, gas us to death, and then burn us up! Next God would gather up our souls and throw them into the eternal fires of Hell because we refused to accept his son as our Messiah! Where are his Chosen People? What about the Covenant?
Actually, Hitler was much more humane than God. Hitler burned us up after we were dead, so it didn't hurt. God makes us suffer Hell fire burning for eternity!
I don't know what to do because we have lost our God. I would like to join you Humanists but I am too mired in Judaism. I envy my fellow Jews who never think about this tragedy!

Note: See my posts on who helped the Jews escape from the Holocaust including Austrian, Polish, British,Chinese, etc. heros!

VINDICATOR
Posts: 523
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#446 Postby VINDICATOR » January 30th, 2019, 2:56 pm

Here's a joke in a lighter mood:

At a party, a woman was bemoaning the behavior of youth today.
"Look at that girl over there" she complained. "I don't know what girls are coming to today. She's wearing boys jeans, boys shirt, and has a boyish haircut. You would hardly know that she was a girl. Would you?"
"Well it just happens I would." Came the reply, "Because she is my daughter!"
"Oh Dear!" said the old lady embarrassed, "I didn't know you were her father!"
"I'm not her father. I'm her mother!"

The original joke was much more funny because it also related to LGBTQ which made it difficult to understand!

VINDICATOR
Posts: 523
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#447 Postby VINDICATOR » February 8th, 2019, 2:42 pm

Some more on the morality of God:
Have you ever read the Ten Commandments? At the very beginning God says that he is a "jealous God" and you must worship him and only him. (by the way, this is contradicting the US Constitution which guarantees you freedom of religion. I think that there is a similar guarantee in your English Constitution) The Ten Commandments state that if you worship any other God you will go to hell. Not only do you go to Hell, your progeny for 4 generations will all go to Hell too! If that is the Acme of Morality then the man-made laws of all the countries are immoral. I don't think that any country has a law which cruelly punishes people for something that their ancestors did legally!

By the way, in reply to those evangelista who insist that Hitler was an Atheist. They should get a copy of "Mein Kampf" (My Struggle) the Nazi Bible written by Hitler himsef in which he says that "I am acting in accordance with the will of God in wiping out the Jews!" Wow!

VINDICATOR
Posts: 523
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#448 Postby VINDICATOR » February 10th, 2019, 11:47 am

A warning to all my Christian friends:

My Jewish friend has already told you (in tears) how God double crossed the Jews. Are you content to keep worshipping this untrustworthy God? How can you be sure that he won't double-cross you one day? Here are some things that you should consider carefully:
First of all, you aren't the only the people worshipping God. The Jews, Mormons, Muslims (who call him "Allah), etc. also worship him. They all claim that God is theirs! Especially Christians and Muslims who worship this same God have been murdering each other for Centuries! This murder is going on today all over the world! If you are complacent because you are the largest group of worshippers then get this: Since the Muslims propagate much quicker than you do, so it is estimated that before the end of the Century Muslims will greatly outnumber Christians! Take a look around you and see how many children a Muslim household has! The Jihadists want to establish a World-wide Caliphate like the ISIS! Consider the Scenario where the ISIS establishes such a Caliphate. It's very possible that they will then have a Holocaust were Christians are the objective, and millions of Christians will be sacrificed to God (Allah)! Seeing how God treated the Jews in the Holocaust, how can you be sure that he will save you?
Wake up my Christian friend! Join us Humanists!

VINDICATOR
Posts: 523
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#449 Postby VINDICATOR » February 12th, 2019, 3:18 pm

I like the "Irish Central" News, if you don't read it you will miss a lot of interesting tidbits. Today I saw this:
Pope Francis just said that many Catholic Priests and Bishops sexually abuse nuns including using nuns as "sexual slaves"! It was only after 1990 that it was admitted to be a serious problem and is getting out of hand! For example, last year an Indian nun accused Bishop Franco Mulakkal of raping her 13 times from 2014 to 2016.

Now here's a joke to make you cry! The Catholic Church is famous for it's anti abortion policy. They call abortion "murder". However innumeral nuns have had abortions because the fetus's father was a Priest or Bishop! That means that the Church accuses you of "murder" if you do it, but condones "murder" if the father is a "Father"! A fine example of Catholic morality! What can you expect when their morality comes from a God who condoned the Holocaust?

:shrug: :shrug: :shrug:

VINDICATOR
Posts: 523
Joined: December 22nd, 2016, 11:07 am

Re: God was a Jew and other jokes

#450 Postby VINDICATOR » February 15th, 2019, 11:33 am

Here's a tidbit from CNN:

The French journalist Frederic Martel Will put out a book on Feb. 21, the same day the Pope holds a World meeting to try to resolve the World wide sex crimes problem that is destroying the Church! Martel says that homosexuality in the Church is much worse than pedophilia. The percentage of homosexuals in the Vatican is around 80% hence the pedophiles account for only 20%. I wonder which rainbow color the Pope is!
Arch Bishop Carlo Mario Vigano, a former Vatican Ambassador to the US, accused the Pope of "turning a blind eye to the homosexual networks responsible for destroying the Church from inside!"
It's lots of fun to watch the Church wreathing and writhing in it's death throes! I hope my Catholic friends are smart enough to leave the Church before it collapses on you!
:boohoo: :boohoo: :boohoo:


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